Insights Into How Our Legal System Works

Why Vengeance During Divorce Hurts Both Parties

9 July 2015 by Yolanda Lane

If you are going through an acrimonious divorce, then it is very easy to slip into vengeance mode against your partner. Unfortunately, vengeance may harm not only your partner's but also your interests. Whether he or she cheated on you or hid things from you, you should resist the temptation to retaliate because:

It Will Cost You Money

As at 2013, the average cost of a contested divorce ranged from $15,000 to $20,000. It is only safe to assume that these costs are increasing every year. Therefore, you don't want to do anything to increase the cost unnecessarily.

Vengeance can cost you money in several ways. Here is a couple of examples:

• You may decide to report your partner to the IRS. Whether or not your allegations are true, it will cost your partner money to defend his or her position. This is money you could have divided during asset division.
• You may decide to ruin his or her business (for example by spreading lies to his or her clients). The business may be important in alimony or child support calculations and payments.

You May Not Succeed

If your vengeance takes the legal route, then you should know that your chances of success are very slim. The divorce court isn't interested in punishing your partner for the hurt he or she may have caused you during the marriage. For example, arguing that your partner should pay more in terms of alimony because he or she led to the breakdown of your marriage will not get you anywhere. That is not one of the factors to calculate alimony.

It May Cloud Your Judgment

An acrimonious divorce is already emotional enough without you bringing in the angle of vengeance. Emotions can cloud your judgment during asset division, for example, by making you hold onto things that you don't need. The reverse can also happen – you giving away assets that you need just because you associate them with your partner's "crime." So you don't want the vacation home he or she used as his or her "cheating pad?" Take the house (if you can) and sell it if you can't really keep it.

Now you know why you should leave vengeance at the door of divorce. Hire a good divorce lawyer (such as one from Fleishman Law Office SC), approach the divorce as a business deal, and you are likely to come out of it better than those who engage in endless squabbles with their partners. 

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